JJ Abrams: A study in mediocrity

This just in
after comprehensively ruining the star trek and star wars franchises
JJ Abrams announced publicly at a packed press conference  this morning
 that his next project will be to travel back in time to personally
 piss on your favourite childhood presents on Christmas morning.

"It's the next logical step.It could take a while to get to everyone and ruin  every single person's favourite childhood memories but I've spent a whole life time building up to this and I believe I'm more than ready"

"I'm not in this for the bags of ill deserved cash I sleep on every night." abrams continued
"I'm only in this to destroy lives"

He was also heard to admit to a pretty young journalist
" yes I'm a total fraud, (laughs)
the mystery box is complete pretentious horseshit
I did it because I cant be bothered to work out how my shows will progress,
but once I've got the check, fuck em right?"

JJ said he could start his latest project as soon as next January.
" I want to make certain my urinating cock to the only thing people remember about there childhoods"